Invasion of The CHINA MAN

There is a terrible influx of Chinese nationals in our country recently, so much so that I feel as though I’m in China already. I see CHINA MEN everywhere, on the buses, on the trains, on the streets, next to me… yes, NEXT to me.

This morning, Mum and I boarded another freaking crowded MRT, all thanks to CHINA MEN. There was this group village of China workers on the train, making a din and occupying any available spaces that were meant for us.

I’m not trying to be nasty, but seriously, I think that whomever these workers belong to should get a truck or bus to ferry them instead.

However, the noise they made on the train was actually quite entertaining!

When the train past by Paya Lebar station, a funny CHINA MAN repeated after the announcer “PAYA LEBAR” in his heavily accented Mandarin, and told his CHINA MEN friends, “他们的路名还挺好玩的，累了，就趴下来吧- 趴呀，累吧 (same pronunciation as Paya Lebar)”

HAHAHAHA. I was laughing in my heart so loudly; I think I might have injured my innards.

Then, when the train past by Kallang, the CHINA MAN went “加冷 (Kallang’s in Chinese) ，加热，加冷，加热”, wa piang, it might be lame, but it was damn funny.

I found them funny because I understood them, but my mum, who only understands her own Mandarin, has got no idea what the CHINA MEN were saying.

She found them irritating for taking up space in the train cabins and filling the air of Singapore with cheena-accented Mandarin.

Talking about CHINA MAN, I got to know this CHINA MAN a few days ago.

He is a worker in NP who is starting to get on my nerves.

I’m sorry man, but hey CHINA MAN, you are talking a little too much.

I was being friendly at first, so I started talking to him, then that’s when I inadvertently pulled out the pin of the grenade.

CHINA MAN kept talking to me, and kept repeating “实际说…blah blah blah”

He told me he never talked so much before ever since he came to Singapore half a year ago, and he said that I’m his FIRST FRIEND in Singapore. Okay… -_-'''

I go to NP’s convention centre in the afternoon to help out in the e-enrolment, collecting forms from students. But, there is nothing much that I need to do, besides from being there physically.

There, CHINA MAN sits around, replenishing the water bottles and sweets for students and staff. CHINA MAN then conveniently sits on the chair next to me at my counter.

And NIGHTMARE begins.
He was sort of amazed by my ability to comprehend him, and he so took the chance to say ALL he could.

He once asked me “你们新加坡有学汉字吗？”... I almost replied him “废话”, but that would have killed his dignity instantly… So I joked with him, saying that we do learn Chinese, but our standard cannot be compared to their's.

Then that’s when CHINA MAN became cocky. He then asked me “那我考你，你会写‘春夏秋冬’吗？”　

Wa Kao! Does my Chinese standard look so low to him? I wrote out ‘春夏秋冬’on a piece of paper for him, and he was SURPRISED, and said “哇！ 你好聪明啊！” Eh, come on la, that’s like primary school standard can?

Then he asked me something even more idiotic, “那你会写‘想东西’的‘想’吗？” Then I rolled my eyes.

Hello? 拜托，老娘的中文程度可不是盖的，怎么说也有两把刷子！

But I entertained him nonetheless, because work at the convention centre is really boring, you can get only 3 people coming up to you in one whole hour, and 2 of them is actually asking for directions instead of submitting forms.

So in order to keep myself awake, I resorted to talking to CHINA MAN. He’s quite funny la, especially his accent.

He is from 沈阳 (ShenYang), is 24 this year, hates Hainanese Chicken Rice, hopes to go to Japan one day, has a younger cousin in Singapore, has 2 off days per year (or month?) and is allergic to spicy food. See? He really told me a lot of things, too much actually. I even know how much his monthly salary is and his shoe size!

Thank God I don’t know his name, I don’t want to know it too. I didn’t ask him anything, he just told me everything.

What to do? I’m his FRIEND what… CHINA MAN…

Haiz. I wonder if he disturbs everyone else as much as he disturbs me… Probably I’m the only one who feels disturbed. At least I’m getting some fun out of it.

Just an example of how he speaks, “我们中国人” is pronounced as “Ah Men Zong Guo Yen”, “赚钱” is “zeng qian”, and our ‘Jiak Beng’（吃饭）we say in Hokkien has the same pronunciation as ‘someone died’ in his dialect.

Cool huh? He might be from China, but I think my Chinese is better than his.

Gosh, I have to work tomorrow, and tomorrow is Saturday! And CHINA MAN will be there too!

Oh My. My. My.

Invasion of The China Man!